Thank God It's NOT Friday....

I hate Monday's.  I love Wednesday's <---these are my "Friday's" :)  Yep, I am spoiled with my hours at work.  I ALWAYS have a 3-4 day weekend! 

Never, ever in my life though did I NOT want it to be Friday.  Today, I don't want it to be tomorrow.  My FIL gets his PET scan results tomorrow at 1:30pm.  Hence, the "Thank God It's NOT Friday..."

Pictures are to remember great memories right?  Pictures are supposed to spark something in your memory bank and then you talk about said moment.  Yeah...this picture makes me everything...it makes me angry, it upsets me, it makes me laugh & also makes me happy aaaaaaall at once.  It is what it is right?  THIS is how my son will remember his pa or will he?  He's only 3 and 1/2.  When was your earliest memory?  Let's be real ok... really... if anything happens to my FIL right now, Dominic is only 3 and 1/2.

This picture just breaks every single millimeter of my heart.  I remember my in laws coming over on this day.  Right as I was getting ready to walk out the door for work, my FIL says, "I'm gonna ask Matthew to shave my head.  My hair is starting to fall out."  I wonder what my white/blank face looked like.  Literally NO words came out of my mouth, I kissed everyone "bye" and I left.  How the FUCK do you tell your husband who is already having a shit time with this that his father is going to ask him to shave his fucking head after work.  HOW?!  I got in the car, pulled over into the next block and sobbed.  I had to warn Matt though, to mentally and emotionally prepare himself for the question.  I was completely crushed and blindsided so you can only imagine how Matt would have felt. 

As Matt was doing this, Dominic was having a ball.  I'm glad he was there.  He was making my FIL laugh the entire time.  Meanwhile, I see my husband fighting back ALOT of emotions.

I don't want this for my family again, I don't.  I still have NOT had the balls to bring it up to my MIL, I just can't.  It's hard for ME to talk about it this time around, God only knows what she's feeling!  I just can't.  Not yet. 

I don't want Friday.  I don't.  I don't want bad news.  Yes, I know, stay positive, don't think that way.  There is absolutely NOTHING positive about cancer.  NOTHING.  Matt used to talk about it all the time before.  We have yet to have a full on conversation about my FIL.  He's struggling.  I know he is....

My FIL is scared, I know he is.  He had the opportunity to get these results yesterday (Wednesday).  I told him last week to make whatever appointment he needed as I had a backup for someone to watch Dominic this week.  He told the nurse "no", Matt was pissed and that's an understatement.  He told us that he told nurse Patty, "I have to watch my grandson...." He's in pain, he's anxious to know and NOT know at the same time and the only thing he's concerned about is his grandson.....