Pessimism- from the Latin word pessimus (worst), is a state of mind in which one perceives life negatively. Value judgments may vary dramatically between individuals, even when judgments of fact are undisputed. The most common example of this phenomenon is the "Is the glass half empty or half full?" situation. The degree in which situations like these are evaluated as something good or something bad can be described in terms of one's optimism or pessimism respectively. Throughout history, the pessimistic disposition has had effects on all major areas of thinking. This is also per Wikipedia and whaddya know... a photo of me is right there!
I admittedly am a very extreme pessimist. I do not know why I am this way, I really don't. Maybe because of my upbringing? Maybe because I was bullied as a child? Maybe just because? Who knows... I really do wish I knew why.......
There is absolutely NOTHING positive about cancer. NOTHING. I will fight you tooth and nail and tell you that cancer is a piece of shit. BUT. I was reminded yesterday that my FIL is still here and that we still get to enjoy my FIL's company, brass/harsh humor, his stubborn Italian attitude and his love. THAT is a positive. Another reason cancer is negative?? It's brought out everything negative in me and I was finally pulled out of it yesterday.
There are two people that I am dedicating today's post to......
#1-- My BFFAE&E, Jessica. The woman has a full time job, 3 awesome sons that each have their own sports/things/activities, a dog & a husband...I don't know how or when she sleeps or even eats and yet she STILL finds time to shoot me an email to smack me back into reality, or text me to give me a "virtual" hug or just says, "I miss you sissy..." Words CANNOT express how that simple text message makes my fucking day. I got a forwarded email from her yesterday. In that forward was her yelling at my negativity. Honestly, my initial reaction was WTF did I do!??! Then I realized she had read my blog. Jessica doesn't sugar coat, she will tell you like it is. Yes, it is my blog, I get to say what I want, BUT she's right. My FIL's diagnosis has me so fucking angry that I lost sight of the fact that he's still here, Dominic still has his nonno. Not everyone gets to say this to me though and I don't mean that to be an asshole. What we're going through may affect me directly because it affects my husband and my son and me, BUT Jess went through this shit with her own son for crap's sake. She knows what I'm feeling and why. Maybe it's the combo of going through the same thing AND being my best friend, but I'm glad she did it, she called me out and now I have to try hard to change this shitty outlook. I love you Jess more than YOU know....feel free to smack me upside the head anytime, just not for real, I prefer it via email or text...hee hee. You are my rock in this Jess. When we were talking this summer and you said to me, "Maybe Don had cancer so that I can be there for you....." I cried for days at that comment. If it was up to me, I'd go through this alone and blindly than have that little boy diagnosed at 16 months old, but it's not up to me is it? If it wasn't for you, your guidance, your love and your support in all of this for me/us....I wouldn't know what the fuck I was doing. I love you & am thankful for you and your boys...all of your boys, even Joe and Paco....
#2-- My good friend, Jen P..aka, "wife"...it's an inside joke. Don't judge :) Jen works with Matt and all I will say is that I don't know why we got so close SO LATE! He's worked with her forever!!! We have EVERYTHING in common. We both love the 80's and all the movies that come with that hair-teasing era, we quote songs & movies...she's turned into a very UN-expected good family friend. On FaceBook for the month of November she's been posting "5 things I'm thankful for today...." After I got a 'talking to' from Jessica I told Jen that I would be copying her and doing the same. It will force me into actually being positive, which is why Jen said that she's been doing it. I started yesterday and it felt good!! I am thankful for you Jen, for encouraging me to stay positive, for loving this family like you do. I love you....
November is Turkey month! Yesssssss!!! I love turkey, cranberries, mashed potatoes and corn and carbs and sugar and everything that is Thanksgiving. We're supposed to be thankful, thankful for this life, this gift, thankful for our health and the people around us...the ones we love.
What are you thankful for?
I'm thankful for you. I love you.
ReplyDeleteJess