I. Hate. Cancer

So what is happening in my life you ask that's changed my mind into doing this blog? Cancer.

I loathe, hate & despise it.  My mother's side of the family is riddled with a history.  I lost my grandparents to cancer, my aunt, my best friends son was diagnosed at 16 months w/ kidney cancer and now my father in law (FIL) was recentely diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma aka skin cancer.  Now when I say to you "skin cancer", what is your 1st thought?  Treatable right?  It's just on the skin, no big deal, just scrape it off and hope it doesn't come back right? Yeah....no.  In my FIL's case, it's ON his spine, wrapped around a major artery and INOPERABLE.  He starts chemo & radiation treatments next week.  Before I go into how fucking pissed off I am, allow me to share a bit of history...

I can count on both hands & feet AND then some, how many people dislike their in-laws.  Always bitching and complaing about their "monster" in laws & they did this and she said that.  I have NO idea what that's like.  Allow me to mention that my in laws are Italian/Sicilian and I love them.  I feel closer to my mother in law (MIL) than I do my own mother, VERY sad but true.  It's not easy having an Asian mother, but that's a different story for a different day. My MIL will give you the shirt off her back & will feed you to no end!! My FIL is a big smart ass teddy bear who pretends to be tough as nails.  They are "old school" Italians, but at the same time THE most laid back people that I know.  I used to work about 10 mins from their house and would go there for lunch.  The girls at work would ask me to lunch and I always said, "No thanks, I'm going to Matt's parents for lunch."  The response, "By yourself? WOW!  I hate my in laws, how do you go there alone?"  All I could think of was how sad I was for them that they could feel that way towards other people.... very sad.  Plus, the food is not only free but it's Italian food! Helllooooo?!?!!?

This is my FIL and I on my wedding day.  He looks thrilled doesn't he?!   The relationship that I have with my in laws is something I cherish with all of my heart.  I don't call my in laws by their names.  I call them "mom" and "dad", I don't do it for shits and grins, I do it because they are.  Anyways, so that "tough as nails" attitude I mentioned completely disappeared when our son was born....

Doesn't this picture make you want throw up?!  My FIL was a bag of nerves the night I went into the hospital.  My bff told me that he was pacing back and forth, back and forth.  Everytime Matt (my husband) would call or text someone down there, my FIL was right there asking if things were ok.  The second he held our son, he was butter in Dominic's hands.  Dominic was literally just hours old and already had this man wrapped around his fingers.  Disgusting I tell you, truly.  What's my point... my point here is that no matter how much I try to think positively about our family's new situation I cannot help but think, "What if something happens?  Dominic is ONLY 2 years old!  He loves his grandpa."  When my FIL walks into the room, forget it!  No one else exists.  When we go visit grandma/grandpa and Dominic doesn't see grandpa right away, he will search the house high and low screaming for him. They're best friends and really?!  Cancer? NOW?! Why? WHY!!!!!!!!!! I fucking hate cancer.

This blog will mainly be my outlet to bitch and complain that I hate cancer and want IT to die, but the other reason??  Maybe, just MAYBE there is someone out there going through the same exact thing or has gone through it to help me in my thoughts or just a little bit of hope that everything WILL be ok.  All I know right now is that I'm pissed off, frustrated and confused not only with life but my faith as well.  I thought that my faith was being tested when my bff's son was diagnosed as a baby....it's being tested AGAIN and it's NOT pretty.....