What is heartache?
For some, it's when you feel like you just can't ever get over breaking up with someone or someone breaking up with you. For some, it's the loss of a family member, a close friend or a beloved pet. I think a good majority of us have felt some type of heartache whether it be about love lost or death.
I punched in the word heartache and it gave me a laundry list of songs about heart break over love and pain. Again, there are so many different forms of it that you can't just narrow it down to a specific event or song.
Heartache for me is watching someone you love go through pain, it's watching someone you love struggle with something you wish you can take on for them. It's not knowing the future of any of it or when it'll be taken away from you. I want more than anything in this world for some magic fairy dust, a genie in a bottle, a fairy godmother or just a good old fashioned wand to make all of this kind of heartache disappear and not just for me...for everyone. For everyone going through any kind of heartache.
My FIL recentely got a second opinion from an oncologist at Rush University Medical Center. He is a couple months into some new chemo meds and doing well, or so we thought. He's broken out into a rashy type thing that's a side effect and is having more......wait for it... pain. He's back to relying on pain meds and pretty much feels like he's back to square one. I believe March is when this round was supposed to end. Now...who knows. He'll need to do more scans and tests to make sure the tumor hasn't gotten bigger.
Dominic may not understand what cancer is or what cancer does, BUT he does sense that his nonno is sick, or at least he feels like something is not right. My MIL told me what he said a few weeks ago that just tore my heart in half. I've said before that even while undergoing chemo, my in laws still make the trek out here to help us with Dominic which we are also very thankful for. With that said there was a point where almost a week and a 1/2 went by that I hadn't physically seen them, talked to them yes, seen them no. Between getting out of work late or which office I'm at, I either just miss them or they have dinner w/out me and leave before traffic gets bad. My dad said he wanted to do breakfast a few Sunday mornings ago. He asked to me to invite my in laws too. My FIL, at the time, looked great! He also ate like he was going to the chair! ;) Anyways, what did Dominic say? My MIL always just guessed at why when my FIL's hair falls out, it's because he looks "different" is why Dominic won't kiss him hello or goodbye. At the time he wasn't able to communicate why so that was the assumption..... until now and she was right. She was telling me at breakfast that last week when she asked Dominic, "Why you don't kiss grandpa?" Dominic said, "Reepa no hair, all gone." Everyone giggled, because it was cute, but inside it was killing me, absolutely killing me and I wanted to cry. She was right, he feels that something is different and that's why he doesn't kiss his nonno. I know that this has to bother my FIL....it has to. It would bother me. This also explains why my FIL wears his hat around the house now, so it won't "bother" Dominic so much. He's in pain, he's tired, he's frustrated but yet wears a hat around the house so make it easy for his grandson.
All of this is heartache.
My FIL has hardly any energy to go to the gym, he's always cold and my poor MIL tries to do most of the stuff around the house that my FIL would normally do. I called one morning to talk to her and my FIL said that she was outside shoveling until their neighbor came by to help with the rest. Matt has told them repeatedly to call when they need something and they never do. Damn Italians/Sicilians ;) They do so much for us & I feel like the least we can do is drive there to cut the grass or shovel, because we would in a heartbeat. I feel for her because she feels like she has to do all of this because my FIL can't. All of this just sucks.
For some, it's when you feel like you just can't ever get over breaking up with someone or someone breaking up with you. For some, it's the loss of a family member, a close friend or a beloved pet. I think a good majority of us have felt some type of heartache whether it be about love lost or death.
I punched in the word heartache and it gave me a laundry list of songs about heart break over love and pain. Again, there are so many different forms of it that you can't just narrow it down to a specific event or song.
Heartache for me is watching someone you love go through pain, it's watching someone you love struggle with something you wish you can take on for them. It's not knowing the future of any of it or when it'll be taken away from you. I want more than anything in this world for some magic fairy dust, a genie in a bottle, a fairy godmother or just a good old fashioned wand to make all of this kind of heartache disappear and not just for me...for everyone. For everyone going through any kind of heartache.
My FIL recentely got a second opinion from an oncologist at Rush University Medical Center. He is a couple months into some new chemo meds and doing well, or so we thought. He's broken out into a rashy type thing that's a side effect and is having more......wait for it... pain. He's back to relying on pain meds and pretty much feels like he's back to square one. I believe March is when this round was supposed to end. Now...who knows. He'll need to do more scans and tests to make sure the tumor hasn't gotten bigger.
Dominic may not understand what cancer is or what cancer does, BUT he does sense that his nonno is sick, or at least he feels like something is not right. My MIL told me what he said a few weeks ago that just tore my heart in half. I've said before that even while undergoing chemo, my in laws still make the trek out here to help us with Dominic which we are also very thankful for. With that said there was a point where almost a week and a 1/2 went by that I hadn't physically seen them, talked to them yes, seen them no. Between getting out of work late or which office I'm at, I either just miss them or they have dinner w/out me and leave before traffic gets bad. My dad said he wanted to do breakfast a few Sunday mornings ago. He asked to me to invite my in laws too. My FIL, at the time, looked great! He also ate like he was going to the chair! ;) Anyways, what did Dominic say? My MIL always just guessed at why when my FIL's hair falls out, it's because he looks "different" is why Dominic won't kiss him hello or goodbye. At the time he wasn't able to communicate why so that was the assumption..... until now and she was right. She was telling me at breakfast that last week when she asked Dominic, "Why you don't kiss grandpa?" Dominic said, "Reepa no hair, all gone." Everyone giggled, because it was cute, but inside it was killing me, absolutely killing me and I wanted to cry. She was right, he feels that something is different and that's why he doesn't kiss his nonno. I know that this has to bother my FIL....it has to. It would bother me. This also explains why my FIL wears his hat around the house now, so it won't "bother" Dominic so much. He's in pain, he's tired, he's frustrated but yet wears a hat around the house so make it easy for his grandson.
All of this is heartache.
My FIL has hardly any energy to go to the gym, he's always cold and my poor MIL tries to do most of the stuff around the house that my FIL would normally do. I called one morning to talk to her and my FIL said that she was outside shoveling until their neighbor came by to help with the rest. Matt has told them repeatedly to call when they need something and they never do. Damn Italians/Sicilians ;) They do so much for us & I feel like the least we can do is drive there to cut the grass or shovel, because we would in a heartbeat. I feel for her because she feels like she has to do all of this because my FIL can't. All of this just sucks.
I'm so done with all of this, I really am. If I feel this way, I can only imagine what my FIL feels.
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