Anyways, hi! :) I wish there were more hours in the day to do everything I need and want to do! My employer took a "hiatus" of his own and therefore I was off for 3 weeks. It was great! I got to spend SO much time with my little man!! Paycheck sucked because there wasn't one, but being with my family and my son was THE best!
So...my FIL...is doing well. His "last" chemo session is supposed to be Oct 4th, and it is BUT doc's are saying he needs more AND he needs to speak with a radiation specialist. UGH! I felt awful at one point for my FIL... he was certain that the cancer was gone because he didn't "need" the pain meds anymore. As much as I LOVED the positive attitude...even I knew that wasn't possible!! When the CT Scan showed 30% shrinkage in the tumor, which ROCKS, but he was so disappointed. Again, he was SO sure that it was gone and got his own hopes up. Cancer is a piece of shit.
You know what else I realized? I've realized thru all of this that there are people in OUR lives that care but also just go about their lives and sort of "forget" about ours and I know that sounds shitty. Let me give an example here. There is a gal I work with, who I was trying to explain my babysitting situation. When I said to her that I will NOT ask my in laws to pull a "full" day with Dominic right now because of what they're going through she was like, "Oh yeah.. that's right." REALLY? Did you forget that my FIL has cancer?! Listen. We ALL have our own lives. I get it & THIS is what I mean by others' just passing us by and "forgetting" sometimes that we have THIS in our lives now. I also get that it's hard to ask sometimes how Matt is or how my FIL is, but really??? "Oh yeah, that's right!!!" WTF!
Remember a few posts back I said that I felt like an asshole when I bacically shot down my FIL's request to take a "before" photo?! Well, this was the day he asked his son to help him with shaving his head. I am SO glad that my SIL was there to snap these photos! As awful and as weird as it may seem to some people, these photos are SO important to me. Dominic is only 2 and 1/2 and has NO flipping clue as to what is going on around him. He may "feel" the stress, but he doesn't know what cancer is, he doesn't know what it does. These photos and my journal to him will be his guide when he is old enough to understand. My FIL's spirits and sense of humor are still intact though. When I came home and saw his bald head, I wanted to cry but called him my buddha :), then he said that this saves him $20 now from going to the barber!! :)
My FIL has to be thankful. There a hundred other cancer patients who can't eat because of the loss of an appetite, who can't do light excersize, who can't even drive... but he IS doing all of the above. He said to me once, "Ang, I'm not gonna sit on my ass even if I'm in pain. I can't feel sorry for myself." I was so fucking proud of him ... I am proud of him.....
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