1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
Not all have to be completed & in no particular order, again, according to this model. I'm pretty sure that everyone has been through something to have applied ANY of these stages in their lives. I know I have & right now so is my family.....
Last Tuesday was my FIL's 2nd bout of chemo. He was crying during the session about how he wants to take Dominic to Italy & why this had to happen now...
We went to my in laws for dinner last week. My MIL greeted me at the door and the look on her face was... well.... not good. She said, "Not a good day today Angela...." As usual Dominic ran into the house and yelled for my FIL!! He was laying in his room with a blanket on him, white faced and weak. I held my emotions back, said my hello's and went to bathroom to cry.
My FIL has been an emotional wreck this past week. Since starting chemo the bad days outweigh the good ones. 2 weeks ago on Sunday we had the whole family over to celebrate my SIL's birthday. I love having everyone here, it's fun, funny & the house smells like my MIL's cooking... BONUS! As I was doing some of the dishes I look up and saw my in laws crying on the couch. WTF did I miss?!? I go over, put my hand on my FIL's leg and ask what was wrong. Here's the thing. My FIL, as I said is a tough teddy bear. He's a sweet as pie but will portray that in the most "tough as nails" way. He NEVER SHOWS ANY kind of emotion unless sarcasm is an emotion... that's all you get from him. Like I said, when I told him he was having a grandson he said "I could care less..." He was literally sobbing in front of EVERYONE, my parents, my SIL, her best friend and ME! He had been hot/cold on/off the entire day. One second I'd see the blanket on him, the next I'd see him outside in the humidity to warm up. Obviously a side effect from the chemo, not to mention he's lost about 50% of his hair now too. I put my hand on his leg and I say, "It's ok dad, it's ok to be upset. We have to roll with this though, it's a side effect, I know your frustrated, but if you get cold then fine, your cold...use the blanket. If you get hot, then you get hot...." I couldn't cry with him though as much as it killed me. I did my crying when everyone left.
This week my in laws came by for a visit and about an hour of babysitting. My SIL has relieved them of that duty this summer which has been a HUGE help! Anyways, my FIL says, "I'm going to ask Matthew to shave my head today." I couldn't even look at him after he said that. Then he asks, "Wanna take a picture of me with Dominic before?" In the calmest tone I could.. I said I have plenty of photos of you two dad.... REALLY?! The man wanted a picture taken and I say NO!? You can imagine I STILL feel like an asshole. I called Matt to give him the heads up that his dad would ask for help to shave his head. I came home, greeted everyone and looked at my FIL, clean shaven, looking like Kojak! :) I didn't want to cry so I joked and said, "Now I have a nice shiny Buddha head to rub for a wish!!" He laughed.
I think as sad as my FIL is still, as confused as he is still, a part of him HAS accepted this. It's a complete mind fuck I'm sure, being told you have cancer and to try and live your life somewhat normally. Obviously he has my support, his wife's and his children's but in all honesty the one thing that is saving his sanity right now is my son. They have a bond so tight you have NO idea unless you've seen it with your own eyes. When they see each other they BOTH light up... it's truly sick! I'm just glad that they have this strong relationship. Dominic has NO idea what impact he has through all of this. One day he'll know that he was a huge one.....
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